Day 2:
9:21 a.m.: Well, yesterday went well. I was actually sore from my workout yesterday evening! I get stoked about the post-workout soreness because I'm an un-diagnosed sadomasochist. It helped clear my cold up a little as well but today my head feels like snot is going to burst forth from my sinuses and make a disgusting mess that I may be happy not to be alive to have to clean up.
I am a huge asshole when I get any form of sick.
However, that did not deter me from my morning smoothie; but the look of it sure almost did. That and the fact berry seeds do not blend well and I mistake them for peanuts and then get a little gag when I can't easily chew them up. Smoothies always look so pretty on the websites! I think I need a new blender.
This morning I had a kale-banana-peanut butter-berry-almond milk smoothie. I should have added the kefir, that may have tasted a bit better. Actually, it didn't taste bad - I'm just a big texture person and if the texture's off, then my gag reflex kicks it into hyper-drive and makes it extremely difficult to get through anything, even if the flavor's good!
But I did it! I....did it. And now I want sugar. Uh-oh.....
9:56 a.m.: I caved and ate a chocolate & peanut butter chip granola bar. Only 100 calories and mostly sugar alcohols so phew (that's partially sarcastic; sugar alcohols, I do not trust).
10:27 a.m.: In a partial effort to combat the cold, I am now munching smokehouse almonds. Goddammit these are good!
11:03 a.m.: Almost lunch time! I am going to eat enough kale today to fight off any disease that may be dormant or ready to pounce! Except this fucking cold - it's a strong one. I am also realizing that if I listen to my body, the green coffee bean extracts I've been taking really do curb my appetite. I just have to not eat through them.
12:19 p.m.: Just had my kale salad (ahhh....) and a bit of peanuts. I put some cheese on top of my salad but just ate it off. I think I'm craving protein? I always am.
1:17 p.m.: I'm noticing a pattern here. Every hour, almost on the hour. Argh....I am eating like I don't have the most sedentary job in the world. I haven't eaten yet - but I'm hearing the call of the reduced fat generic wheat thin.
1:42 p.m.: Jake is under the impression that rather than exercise, I should rest. I am under the impression he should shut it.
2:33 p.m.: I lied. I think Jake was right. I'm taking it easy this evening. But I won't admit that to him!
And on that note.....I'm ending this entry. All in all, not a bad day. The smoothie thing will get easier. I think it just takes experimentation and a willingness to have to chug the not-so-great ones. I like that I'm actually getting fruit! It's a goddamn miracle! At this rate I'm sure I'll be fittin' into those red skinny jeans I have tucked away for a skinny day!
IMPORTANT NOTE: I do not want to promote unhealthy body image. I feel uncomfortable in my skin, that is why I am on this quest. I am using this journaling as a way to keep myself in check. If you feel unhealthy and want to make a physical change for yourself, that is your choice. I do not, however, support eating disorders as a way to do so. I used to give into anorexia and bulemia and it's still hard, to this day, not to fall back into old habits. But those habits don't give you the results you really want. They give you painful, disoriented results. They get you pity, not health. They don't give your brain fuel and they destroy your essence. Please, if you have problems in these areas, contact someone! Your doctor, a help line - there are so many options. Just please, be happy and be healthy!
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